– It’s like giving a hero… I don’t know what it’s like.
– He weren’t no hero.
– It’s like going to give someone a present, and instead giving them the worst beating of their life.
– He wasn’t no goddamn hero.
– Just doesn’t seem right. Just doesn’t seem fair.
– Who said life was fair?
– Who said life, “Who said life was fair?”
– You’ve used that before. Twice.
– Yeah. At least you get it now.
– But it isn’t funny.
– Not if you don’t get it.
– If it takes you three times to explain something, then it isn’t funny.
– Whatever.
– And I can tell you who said it anyway.
– Yeah, right.
– I can. Cuz I was there when he did.
– You were there.
– I was there.
– You were there in the room
– I was there at the bar on the beach when he said it.
– On the beach?
– On the beach, yeah.
– And this was who?
– You don’t know him.
– But what’s his name?
– He doesn’t have a name. He’s dead now.
– He still has a name.
– His name was Tom.
– Tom.
– Yeah, Tom. — You’ve heard of people called Tom, right?
– And this was at a beach. Like a cantina thing?
– Something like that. Whatever you call them. One of those bars with the grass roofs.
– Mm hm. [pause]
– Don’t even remember what the conversation was about.
– Some girl no doubt.
– Ah, fuck, it’s always about some girl. I just don’t know what the actual conversation was about. But this guy says something, and right away Tom goes, “Who said life was fair?”
– And you think he’s the first person ever to say it?
– How should I know? It’s the first time I ever heard it.
– Yeah, like…
– Hey, look, man, you’re the one who’s always bringing it up. — Right? So I’m telling you, the first guy I ever heard say “Who said life was fair?” was Tom. Okay? That’s all I can tell you.
– Okay. Yeah. I appreciate it. [pause] I’m sorry. You’re totally right. I make a big deal of it. And it’s stupid. I just kind of imagined it would be some guy in New York.
– New York? Why New York?
– I don’t know. That’s just the way I picture it.
– It probably isn’t even America. They probably imported it.
– [pause] What were we talking about anyway?
– You were calling him a hero.
– I didn’t say he was a hero, I said it was like giving a hero a… And then you wouldn’t let me finish the sentence.
– So finish it. [pause] Come on. It’s like giving a hero a what?
– Not a hero’s welcome.
– But he wasn’t a goddamn hero!
– Of course he wasn’t.
– He wasn’t no… god… damn… hero.
– Didn’t deserve that though.
– Who said life was fair?
– See.
– Yeah. I’m not exactly unfamiliar with the idea, right? And what do you think God invented booze for?
– Doesn’t help anymore.
– Ah, quit your sobbing.
– You don’t know what she did to the guy, man.
– Of course I know what she did. Everybody knows what she did.
– And now she’s trying to blame him for it.
– That’s… a little rough. Yeah. … Yeah, I’ll give you that. That’s a little rough.
– That’s not even the worst of it.
– Look man, you can go on about it forever, it’s never going to change what happened.
– Nope. Probably not. … Maybe. I don’t know.
– It ain’t gonna change the past, man. Nothing can change the past. That’s right up there with the fairness thing. There ain’t no way to change the past.
– Fucking rules.
– Fucking rules is right.
– I fucking hate fucking rules.
– Same rules for everybody.
– No it isn’t. And never mind that, I just don’t like rules. — And you know what I really don’t like? That nobody sits you down and tells you what the rules are at the start. You’re just supposed to know.
– You’re mother never told you the rules?
– Don’t talk about my mother. Please don’t talk about my mother.
– Okay, man. Your dad never told you the rules?
– I didn’t have a dad.
– Obviously you had a dad. What do you mean you didn’t have a dad?
– Just what I’m saying. There was some person I saw a couple times. That was my dad. My biological father. Or so I was told.
– Wait a minute, wait a minute.
– What?
– Wait, wait. — Wait, wait, wait, wait. This guy you’re talking about…
– What guy?
– This guy, the hero guy.
– He wasn’t no goddamn hero.
– Okay, whatever. But this isn’t actually you you’re talking about?
– What’s the difference?
– [pause]
– [pause]
– [pause]
– Pause yourself.
– It isn’t actually you.
– No.
– [pause]
– Have a drink.
– It is you.
– It’s not me.
– It is fucking you.
– It’s no one. It’s no one that ever existed. It’s just a story.
– [last pause, rather long] You son of a bitch.
– Give me that bottle opener, will you.
– You son of a bitch.
Be careful what you wish for, and then forgot you wished for.
Take care and remember who you are, when the time comes to remember who you are.
Don’t confuse yourself with who you were.
It’s absolutely fatal.
– I hate that sign.
– It should be in needlepoint. It looks cheap like that.
– So what the hell does the guy do then?
– I don’t know, I haven’t read that far. There’s like three more chapters.
– Does he just kill himself?
– You’re apparently a little more drunk than you think you are. Cuz I just told you, I don’t know!
– Fuckin’ hell.
– Fuckin’ hell. Fucking fucking fucking hell. All is Lost. — The guy just doesn’t even care anymore. He just doesn’t care. He’s seen All is Lost three times. He’s seen Everything is Fucked to Hell too many times to count. He just doesn’t care.
– But he’s gotta do something.
– And you know, that’s about the only interesting thing about the book.
– What?
– Well, not the only interesting thing. — But, see, you think he’s gotta do something, right? Like of course, right. He’s gotta try something. He’s gotta try.
– Yeah. Obviously. I sure as fuck would.
– Well, that’s where it all started.
– Where?
– Read the book. You can have it. I’ll give it to you tomorrow. Or whenever. I’m probably too drunk to finish it tonight. You tell me where it starts. It starts with him trying… [pause, but not to long] It starts with him dead, all right. It starts with him trying to understand where the hell he is. And he isn’t getting any answers. He isn’t getting any clues. Nobody likes him, nobody talks to him. Nobody tells him anything. It starts with him on a playground. It ends with him on a playground. So far as it’s going. He’s just standing there. He’s just looking at nothing. He’s empty. And then it just goes on. And as it goes on, the older he gets, the more he sees all these people somehow happy, somehow getting something out of emptiness. And he doesn’t relate. And I don’t know if he starts to hate them, or what happens, but then he starts to go really wrong.
– I gotta read this book. What’s it called again?
– It’s called Get the Fuck Out of My Life!
– Great title.
– It’s a good book. Well written anyway. The worst books are always really fucking well written. Ones I’ve read anyway. — Sorry. The worst good books are always really well written. — “Tom, give me another one of these.”
– That’s Jason. Tom’s…
– Yeah, yeah, Jason. — “Jason. If you please. One more.”
– And one for my baby. [together] “And one more for the road.”
– I love Frank.
– Everybody loves Frank. You can’t not love Frank. — “You got any Frank Sinatra back there, Jason?”
– [Jason:] “Ah, nah. It’s mostly all hip hop stuff. I’ll bring some Frank tomorrow.”
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